KIANA Opens Up About ‘Why Do I Stay?,’ Her Healing Journey and Finding the Courage to Share Her Story

Three years after leaving an abusive relationship, KIANA is finding a new sense of freedom in finally being able to tell her story. Through her deeply personal song “Why Do I Stay?,” she is getting real about an experience she once struggled to put into words in hopes of opening up the conversation surrounding domestic violence. 

It took years for KIANA to find the courage to share this powerful tune. She went into a writing session with Sean Rogers and Colleen McKenna back in 2024 with the intention of adding another upbeat anthem to her catalog, but after realizing she was in a safe space, she began processing an experience she had kept behind closed doors for so long.

When asked why she waited until now to open up, the rising star explained to Country Now that several factors had held her back, including concerns for her safety and not feeling emotionally ready to be that vulnerable. 

Ultimately, KIANA knows that for anyone who has experienced something similar, “you’re never ready to share.” But knowing that sharing her own experience could help someone else recognize their situation and find the strength to leave gave her the courage to take that leap and put her story into the world. Plus, with October being domestic violence month, the timing couldn’t have been more fitting. 

One of the hardest parts of talking about her experience was confronting the question she heard so often: “Why did you stay?” About 1 in 3 women in the U.S. and around the world experience partner violence, and research shows that it can take victims an average of seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship. Anyone who has experienced this knows that walking away is not as easy as it may seem, with fear, manipulation and complicated emotional ties. This question sits at the core of the raw tune. 

KIANA hopes that sharing her own story can offer that same sense of understanding to someone else while encouraging a larger conversation.

Keep reading to learn more about how KIANA was able to get this vulnerable, the intentions behind “Why Do I Stay?,” and how this song could impact her future releases. 

You initially went into the writing session for “Why Do I Stay?” with the intention of writing something completely different, so what shifted for you that day?

There’s a line in the song, “is there even a man in the monster I’m trying to tame?” I had written down that lyric and I had seen it that morning when I was going through ideas and I thought it, was on my heart that I should probably write about my story, but I also was like, I feel like I’m going to have to be in the right room with the right people. And also maybe I don’t want to talk… you know those are heavy things. Maybe I don’t want to… Maybe just kidding, never mind, is really how I felt. And I got there, I really thought I was going to… I had a whole idea for an upbeat song and we got in and we just started talking and chatting and Colleen McKenna, who’s a writer on the song is just an absolute sweetheart. I’ve known Sean [Rogers] for quite a while and he knew me before this incident and then after, I’ve just known him for a really long time. So as we got in the room and started talking, it just became apparent that it was a safe space. And the way that it just came up, sometimes a song just wants to be written that day and it just came about like that.

So this is really the first time that you were diving into this experience through your music?

Yes, that was the first, because I actually wrote this song in September 2024. So I’ve sat on it for a minute. That was my first time writing about it. I didn’t actually really know even how to write about it, to be honest with you. And that’s why I think working with them that day was so great. But then even after I wrote it, I was like, “Ooh, I’m not even ready to share it.” So it’s taken two years to get the courage to put it out there. 

Why now? Was there a moment or anything that gave you that push to finally put it out and open up about this experience?

You’re never ready to share. Even before the song was about to drop, I literally was this close to calling my manager and being like, “So maybe if we just switch the singles around, we could just knock this one off a little bit longer.” But I think part of it too, which is the funniness and God’s timing or whatever, my three-year mark of being out was September, so it was this past month. So I was like, “I think maybe it’s time. You’re never ready to share, but I also think I’m stronger now than all the other times before”…It’s like this happened to me and you hide it for a long time or you don’t know what to make of it. And I was like, I think me putting out these songs, “Why Do I Stay?,” it’s such a pinnacle song on the project and maybe it’s just time to have the courage and embrace your story and share it and to be honest. There’s been so many times where I felt like I couldn’t speak about my story because of so many safety reasons, just whatever it was, or just not being in an emotional spot. 

What is your ultimate goal with releasing “Why Do I Stay?”

I genuinely, genuinely hope that by me sharing my story, sharing the song, it’s for the girls that are in that situation. I have a post on my Instagram that talks about how I got here, and the one question when you’re in that type of situation, it’s the first thing people ask you, and it’s the thing that you’ve already beat yourself up over, “why do I stay?” And when you’re in it, it is the craziest thing because you reach for something that you know is bad for you. It’s like an addiction and you’re like, I was even wondering, what am I doing here” When people ask you why you stay, it’s just not a clean cut. It’s something you’re really probably only going to understand if you’ve lived through it. It’s like the fact that you’re asking me why I stay, that actually just means that you don’t understand abuse, which is okay. We don’t talk about it enough for people to understand. So when I wrote the song, I was just like, I hope that it can just be a conversation starter of why people get stuck, why they do stay. If you are the victim, it is important for you to go inside internally and figure out what is keeping you there. Because sometimes it’s just manipulation, you think things that are not true and it makes you stay. So I just wanted it to be a conversation starter, and I always was like, “If I get out of this, I do feel like it’s my duty on some level to do what I can to help those who are still in it get out.”

Since “Why Do I Stay?” has been out, what has the response been like? 

I’m getting a lot of messages of them sharing their story with me via DM, but what’s actually happening is they’re coming to me and they’re saying, “Oh my gosh, this is my story. Everything you said in that post, I couldn’t have said it better.” Even on some of the comments on that initial post, it’s like, “Oh my gosh, nail on the head, this is exactly what I experienced, or that’s exactly what it’s like.” And I think being able to give them that validation is really cool because half that battle is half of the fight when it comes to this situation is the invalidation that victims receive. So to give them the validation is actually what I’ve been finding in the messages that I’ve been receiving, and that’s actually really cool for me. 

How did writing this story help with your own healing process?

When everything was happening to me, I’m such a verbal processor. I’m a songwriter, I write things down. I literally tell my story to just process and heal. And with my particular situation, one of the dynamics that perpetuated everything was how much I hid it, how much I protected him, and I didn’t say anything. I covered for him, I protected his image. I was not sharing what was going on behind closed doors. I hid everything. And honestly, even after I left, I didn’t tell anybody what actually was happening behind closed doors…I just found I was really incapable of talking about it, and I never even went to therapy, which probably should do that. Honestly, I got out, my life became complete. Your life is complete survival mode. My number one thing was, I don’t really know if I have time to go to therapy. My whole world just exploded. I need to go rebuild my life. And that’s the truth of it. I just didn’t have the luxury to go sit in the feelings or even to really go to therapy. I was like, “I’m going to rebuild my life and take back everything that I feel like was taken from me.” 

I noticed in all of those years of being unable to talk about it, because I was so used to hiding it, it almost stole my gift of being able to talk about things. And so writing the song was really important for me on that aspect. And then I have found that publicly sharing this now, it’s like I can feel it in my brain, that part of me that is able to talk and share and do all that better is coming back. So it’s just healing to share. 

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Is this opening the door for you to be even more vulnerable moving forward with your music?

I think so. I think releasing a song like this…this is about as deep as I could go. This is all the skeletons in my closet. So I 100% think that I could go this deep again and share this… I could go this deeply personal again. Even artistically, what’s kind of interesting, I do know when I was going to release it, I had a little fear in my head of like, “Well, if I go this deep on this song, will people expect me to be this deep on every song?” Also, in spite of this happening to me, I’m a very chipper person. My normal songs are very upbeat, So I was like, “I don’t want to pigeonhole myself with only releasing sad songs,” but I hope that it can actually… If I’m thinking about girls that are in this situation and stuff, I’m like, I hope that just the authenticity of wherever my music flows can show that you can have this deep, deep, horrible thing occur, but also that does not have to be the only type of… That’s not the only song for you. You can have a full lively experience. I think just authentically, it has really, really helped me be able to be like, “I’m going to be authentic in whatever music I am releasing because I just bared it all.”  Hopefully nothing scares me now.